This is a rush transcript from “The Five,” May 28, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated. 

DAGEN MCDOWELL, FOX NEWS HOST: Hello, everybody. I’m Dagen McDowell alongwith Greg Gutfeld, Jessica Tarlov, Dan Bongino, and Gillian Turner. It’sfive o’clock in New York City, and this is The Five.A major development on the Wuhan COVID lab leak investigation. The officialwho led the probe that President Biden then shut down says his team foundalmost nothing to suggest a virus occurred naturally.(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)DAVID ASHER, PROBED COVID ORIGINS FOR STATE DEPARTMENT: We were findingthat despite the claims of our scientific community including the NationalInstitutes of Health and Dr. Fauci, NIAID organization, that there wasalmost no evidence that supported a natural zoonotic, you know, evolutionor source of COVID-19. The data disproportionately stacked up as weinvestigated that it was coming out of the lab for some supernaturalsource.(END VIDEO CLIP)MCDOWELL: And House lawmakers are preparing to introduce two new billsaimed at China today. One establishing a commission investigating theorigins of the pandemic, the other allowing Americans who lost loved onesto sue Beijing. Republicans are pressuring President Biden to hold Chinaaccountable.(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)SEN. TED CRUZ (R-TX): The evidence I think strongly suggests that thisvirus escaped from one of the two institutes of virology in Wuhan, China.SEN. TOM COTTON (R-AK): What matters most to me is that the American peopleare getting answers. The Chinese government responsible for unleashing theworst pandemic in a century on the world.REP. KEVIN MCCARTHY (R-CA): We need to hold China accountable instead ofrewarding them and they need to be held accountable financially for whatthey have done to the world.(END VIDEO CLIP)MCDOWELL: Dan Bongino, to you first, Senator Tom Cotton who we just showedwas talking about that virology lab and Wuhan in January of last year.DAN BONGINO, FOX NEWS HOST: Yes. Listen, I don’t want to hear another peepfrom a liberal or a talking head media buffoon ever again about aconspiracy theory. OK? They never produced evidence about any of thisstuff. You had the P.P. hoax remember that with the collusion thing, therewas no evidence of that either but that became an international scandal.There was no evidence that this thing ever came from a bat or a pangolin orwhatever, we still haven’t produced the animal. It’s amazing how we have aworldwide pandemic and don’t have one single sample from a bat or pangolinor others.Now what’s even more infuriating about this is anyone with common sense whois outside the liberal media ecosystem would’ve seen from the start thatthis was probably a lab leak.Let’s walk through some basic facts, folks, in case you misread and youwere reading The New York Times. We had a lab and Wuhan where the pandemicoriginated that studied back coronaviruses where a coronavirus got out andthey study gain of function experiments to make them more powerful and thelab had security problems in the past? Must be natural. That’s whatliberals came to the conclusion.This has got to be one of the most infuriating stories in modern historyand it’s all the media’s fault. One more quick thing on this, what wasincredible about it is when the Chinese government put out propaganda,don’t you dare say that this was a lab leak. Someone ate bat soup and thenpeople commented about people eat bat soup everybody was called a racistfor even commenting on bat soup for a story that was obviously Chinesepropaganda. This is an infuriating mess. The media should just wrap up shopand go home.MCDOWELL: Well that’s part of a problem that Dan just pointed out, Gillian,is that all the people who wouldn’t even allow where there is media talkingheads or Nancy Pelosi calling it, remember the Trump virus, you weren’tallowed to talk about something that was logical, that they’d shut youdown.GILLIAN TURNER, FOX NEWS HOST: I don’t think the problem here is so much aliberal versus a conservative divide in America. I think the problem hereis willingness to hold, again, to hold China’s feet to the fire and holdthe government responsible for this.I will say the reporting from David Asher, that sound bite from the formerState Department official you played a moment ago matches up precisely withwhat an intelligence community official told me yesterday which is it theskeptics of the natural theory here have remain skeptical because there hasyet to be proven any evidence of that initial animal to human transition,they say that a year and a half now into the pandemic, a year and a halffrom when that initial case would’ve emerged, it’s very unusual that theyhave not identified specific case at this point.SARS 1, SARS 2, it all happen within a matter of months that they were ableto identify the initial case. So, the fact that we don’t have that here isvery telling.Another quick point here, the World Health Organization who the U.S. hasbeen relying on to investigate and gather underlying data just provides itsown estimate this week. It’s not getting a lot of attention in the pressfor some reason. They have been telling us for the last six months thatthey believe 3.4 million people have died the world over from COVID.This week they said it’s likely two to three times that amount of people.So, we’re now looking at seven to 11 million people dead around the world,the question is now, how do you even — that’s double the Holocaust. How doyou hold — how do you even think about holding the Chinese governmentresponsible for that?MCDOWELL: Well, you can’t rely on the World Health Organization becausethey’ve lied on behalf from day one for communist China, number one. Numbertwo, the team that went in from the World Health Organization that went into investigate the virus, their conclusion was that the virus was importedin frozen food into China, that that was a more likely conclusion than thelab leak and that came out just a couple of months ago.Jessica, I want you to listen to this Zeke Emanuel dismissing theimportance of investigating China. Take a listen to this.(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)ZEKE EMANUEL, FORMER OBAMA WHITE HOUSE HEALTH POLICY ADVISER: The realissue is not how did this happened. The real is how do we protect ourselvesfrom the next pandemic and how do we have kind of early warning system.(END VIDEO CLIP)MCDOWELL: The real issue is not how did this happen. Actually, that is thevery issue because how do you prevent one unless you figured out what wentwrong in the first place in China?JESSICA TARLOV, FOX NEWS HOST: I absolutely agree with that. And think mostliberals, even the ones that Dan was talking about would disagree with ZekeEmanuel on this one and say that we need to know the origins and that’s whyPresident Biden is now backing a thorough investigation and kind of takingthings out of the hands of the WHO and saying we need to look into thisfurther ourselves, there will be bipartisan agreement for that.I think the two new set of sanctions are bills that would punish theChinese are also going to be welcome, certainly the figures that Gillian istalking about from the new report are true and I see no reason to believethat they aren’t considering how COVID works with pre-existing conditionsthat we have lost that many people. They need to be held accountable forthat.But there is one element that we haven’t discussed yet that I think isimportant to why people were so averse to going with the lab leak theory,is that it was also being tied to frankly a lot of things that soundedpretty racist. We know that the attacks against eight — I heard you grownthere, Dan, but it’s true.BONGINO: Please.TARLOV: So, let’s talk about –(CROSSTALK)BONGINO: Please with the nonsense. This is just so stupid. This is dumb.TARLOV: It’s only the a-block, Dan.BONGINO: This is dumb.TARLOV: Just give me a chance, the first block.BONGINO: No, it’s dumb. It’s just dumb.TARLOV: It’s not dumb, Dan.BONGINO: Yes, it is dumb.TARLOV: Not dumb.BONGINO: No one is racist. They want to make sure they don’t die –TARLOV; Really?BONGINO: — from a corona, it’s just stupid.TARLOV: OK, Wuhan virus, kung flu, people, Asian reporters being calledkung flue, those things are racist. The rise in attacks against members ofthe AAPI community, that is also racist. People just beating peopleindiscriminately on the street because they are Asian –MCDOWELL: Look –TARLOV: — during the pandemic where the president of the United States ofAmerica is saying China, China, China about it is racist. There’s a way totalk about the lab –BONGINO: Not true.TARLOV: Dan, I didn’t cut you off and I really disagree with what you aresaying.(CROSSTALK)MCDOWELL: Jessica, I want to get — I want — you made your point, I wantto get Greg in here, though. Wuhan plague, go.GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: The reason why we didn’t hold Chinaaccountable, we, being major institutions is because it wasn’t Trump. So,it was a political decision. If you actually legitimately blame the peopleresponsible then you couldn’t blame the person you hate most.Even if — and I disagree with Jessica completely on this, even if we foundthose terms racist, that does not excuse your dereliction of journalisticduty. You’re supposed to pursue a story whether this story is surrounded by– if the story is real and it’s plausible and this one is plausible, theyall come as race, the simplest explanation, if you are in a small town andan explosion goes off, maybe check the bomb factory, don’t go to the icecream parlor and that’s what this is.I learned my lesson that if I want to start a pandemic, I’m going –through my lab, I’m going to open my lab next to a wet market becauseapparently, that’s plausible deniability. And by the way, wet markets aregetting a bad rap, all the wet market is as a farmers’ market with a fewextra exotic animals, it’s called wet because they hosed down the floorjust like the bars that Gillian hangs out in D.C. The thing is –(CROSSTALK)TURNER: Even in eight months pregnant, so no bars.GUTFELD: Yes. It’s disgusting how you (Inaudible). And last the Zeke tingbothers — that’s not the last thing. A second to the last thing. The Zekething he doesn’t mind because he is going to be dead soon. Don’t youremember him? The king of euthanasia he’s saying, you know, I don’t want tolive that long. Do you remember? He is that guy. So, it’s like he doesn’treally care.Lastly, and I will shut up. Do you remember the Time article about how allour major institutions, the media, the chamber of commerce, the techgiants, they all work together to unseat Trump and they even bragged aboutit? They called it, you know, an in the dark type conspiracy.This is now a reoccurring trend and it’s showing up in so many places thata coalition of powerful forces when they decide to manipulate an outcomethey’ll do it, so they did it with the Russian collusion thing, they did itwith Hunter Biden, those are tech giants and the press. They did it withvoter fraud, that we — if you say — if you mention voter fraud on YouTubeor Twitter, just see how quickly that story disappears. OK?So right — right now, we are seeing this happen with this story and we’reseeing the outcome of it which is possibly many more people died because abunch of people got together and they decided that this was a bad ideabecause of one word, Trump was right and you couldn’t admit it. It hasnothing to do with racism, it’s just — it’s sad and even on top of that,the impeachment circus as the pandemic spread assisted China and the virus.And that’s not racist either.TURNER: Well, actually, Greg, it wasn’t even just Trump because hisnonpolitical appointees, his own intel people who were not appointed by himwere telling Fox News and others the same thing a year ago. So, you don’teven — you know what I mean.GUTFELD: Right.TURNER: It was not only Trump’s people that were saying this a year and ahalf ago.GUTFELD: But he was the one that — he was the one that mattered, right?TURNER: Right.GUTFELD: Right?MCDOWELL: He was the one that mattered and he said it was the incompetenceof China and nothing else that did this mass worldwide killing and he saidthat in May 2020, but it was the Trump virus, right, not the Wuhan virus,not the virus out of China that killed more than three and a half millionpeople around the globe, lab, lab, lab.Up next, defunding the police isn’t enough. Some on the left now want todisarm the cops all while crime surges.(COMMERCIAL BREAK)TURNER: So, cities across the country are seeing a major spike in violentcrime now. A scary scene earlier this week in New York City, so a shoot-outin the middle of the street during broad daylight, thankfully no oneblessedly was hurt. While cities are pushing to defund the policenationwide, Slate has a new piece out that suggest cops should be forced tokeep their guns in smart lockboxes, whatever that is, and need permissionto take them out.All right, Dan, I’m going to come to you first since you are former lawenforcement. If you read this Slate article, essentially the argument thatthe author is trying to make here is that police have loaded handgunsaccessible, you know, on their person during all kinds of incidents even ifthey are like responding to a traffic incident, a car stalled at anintersection or a cat stuck in a tree. So, this is why they don’t needarmed weapons with them except for some of the time. Also, if you couldtell us what a smart lockbox is, that would be great. I don’t know whatthat means.BONGINO: Yes. Well, this article should be written about how we don’t needthe media, not how the police don’t need firearms because of all the dumbideas I think I’ve ever heard from the liberal media, defund the police andhave police carry their firearm in smart lockboxes where you use yourfingerprints to open it –TURNER: OK.BONGINO: — is probably the — yes, that’s probably the dumbest. And Imean, think about it, you just kind of set it in the open without knowing.They said, the author said don’t worry, it’s just a traffic stop, who needsa gun? Really? How do you know that? Because I can show you 50 or 100videos in under five minutes pulled off any video platform of policeofficers who thought they were pulling someone over for a traffic ticketand ended up in a coffin.TURNER: Yes.BONGINO: So, I think the writer from Slate maybe dial it back a little bitand start doing some journalism homework before you keep insisting policedo things that will get them killed.TURNER: Greg, I’m coming to you next because you’ve heard a lot of dumbideas in your lifetime.GUTFELD: Yes.TURNER: Dan says this rank is maybe the dumbest he’s ever heard, what is itring for you?GUTFELD: It’s pretty stupid but it’s coming from Slate so it’s dumb as arock, ladies and gentlemen. We are legitimately –BONGINO: See what you did there.GUTFELD: Wasn’t that clever? And it’s Friday, and I’m not even drunk yet.We are legitimately in the 1970s when I was looking at that video, thecrime is rivaling death wish and its randomness. By the way the Asian hatecrime in New York is overwhelmingly done by a nonwhite, mentally illhomeless people, has nothing to do with Wuhan. But we got gas prices thatare going through the roof, we got Jimmy Carter part two, we got crime. AllI want is a three’s company reboot and some Mr. Pibb and I’ll be right athome.There was this old line that we used to hear that a conservative is aliberal mugged by reality. Now today’s liberal is doing the mugging and I’mnot talking about good traditional liberals. I’m talking about these youngdefund the police types that have no idea the science of incentives anddisincentives.The past two years have been a lesson in disincentives and incentives. Ifyou make it impossible for cops to do their jobs, then they can’t. Thatemboldens criminals. If you release criminals before the cops are done withtheir paperwork, that emboldens criminals. If you only focus on law-abidinggun owners, not the illegal handguns that are being used, you emboldencriminals.All of these ideas are coming from places like Slate and from academia. Soif we listen to them this will only get worse, the long-term consequencesof all this will be withdrawal of public law enforcement, the rise inprivate security that can only be afforded by the wealthy, the cities willget worse, people will leave, America will become much more spread out,perhaps safer but that’s what’s going to happen.And the people that are going to hurt — be hurt are the older people stillstuck in the cities because they can’t afford to leave, they are the onesthat will be victims like the elderly Asians that you see every week, it’snot a mistake that they are older because they can’t get out.TURNER: Jessica, there does seem to be some early inklings of buyer’sremorse among some of the Democratic city council members in cities thathave defunded the police this year. I’m talking New York this week,Minneapolis, some of them saying maybe we need to get some of the fundingmoved back into the police department. What, I mean, these are your people?Give us a breakdown.TARLOV: Well, some of those people are not my people.(CROSSTALK)TURNER: Or Democrats. Democrats.TARLOV: Yes. We are — we are all Democrats, but I’ve been prettyconsistent about this since day one when I heard the chant of defund thepolice that it was a terrible, terrible, terrible idea and people who aregoing to be hurt most by that were people of color in communities thatactually have the highest level of approval for law enforcement and police.And that’s only — Greg, I’m glad that we’re friends again now though Ihave something to say about the Wuhan thing.GUTFELD: You’ll be wrong, but it’s OK.TARLOV: No, I’ll be right on the police front. I mean, Whip Clyburn, Idon’t know when the man doesn’t get it right, but he certainly did afterthe 2020 — 2020, right, midterms when he said that the chant of defund thepolice cost Democrats seats. Abigail Spanberger talked about that as well.And it’s really interesting to see here in New York City what’s going onwith the mayoral race because Eric Adams who was Black and is a formerpolice officer has now taken the lead in some polls, in one poll he’sbehind Kathryn Garcia, but he surpassed Andrew Yang talking about beingtough on crime but also supporting law enforcement.And I’m sure there will be a cornerstone of Val Demings’ campaign againstMarco Rubio for Senate in Florida as she was the first Black female policechief in Orlando. That’s where we need to be. We need to be tough on crime,we need to be for smart reforms that everybody agrees we need to make,hopefully we can get something done with Tim Scott –TURNER: Yes.TARLOV: — who seems ready to deal there but defund the police it was anonstarter and only 18 percent of Americans are supportive of it.TURNER: Dagen, I obviously save the best for last so the floor is yours.MCDOWELL: Golly.GUTFELD: Sexist.MCDOWELL: You know how — you bet, hot stuff. Do you know how bad it is forthe Democrats that you have somebody like James Carville, now who is pastits sell by day but is still smart writing in The Wall Street Journalsaying that it is the Democrats who are tough on crime, they are the partyof law and order.He wrote this this week. Donald Trump’s stunning display of lawlessnesssudden example for criminals to crawl out of the shadows and believed thatthey would never be brought to justice. He literally is blaming a crimewave. When Donald Trump called the rioters – rioters, who sit in federal inseveral authorities into Portland to at least protect federal buildingswith not one Democrat until the poll numbers turned against them would say,hey, violence and the burning of cities and the looting of businesses is abad thing.This is desperation is the worst cologne and I can smell James Carvillefrom here. He is throwing anything he can against the wall trying to changethe narrative. The fact is, it is not just the defunding of police, it isbail reform. You hit an elderly Asian woman in the face, you get out onwith no bail. They are weak mayors, they are weak governors releasing copkillers, parole boards are filled with liberals and then there are weakdistrict attorneys who would rather like coddle and swaddle criminals thatstand up for victims of violent crime. That’s the party of law and order.TURNER: All right. We have to leave it there, but stick with us becausecoming up next, we are going to talk about how Americans are feistier androwdier than ever. A lot of folks going berserk on flights in the air andin stands on the ground. We’re going to get a psychological analysis fromGreg, coming up next.(COMMERCIAL BREAK)TARLOV: America is bouncing back from the pandemic and it seems like peopleare misbehaving more than ever before. New video shows a woman attacking aSouthwest flight attendant who apparently had two teeth knocked out. Thatpassenger is now permanently banned from Southwest. And fans back at gamesare rowdier than ever.NBA star Russell Westbrook had popcorn thrown at him while being held offthe court after getting injured. Charles Barkley has a crazy idea on how tosolve that issue.(BEGIN VOICE CLIP)CHARLES BARKLEY, FORMER NBA PLAYER: I think you should be able to go up inthe stands and beat the (muted) out of 1 person per game. You don’t thinkthat guy didn’t deserve to get his (muted) beat right at center court. If afan says something really, really rude or throws something on you, youshould be able to say, come on down, like Chuck Woolery used to say. Bringthem right down to half-court and you all settle it like men.(END VIDEO CLIP)TARLOV: I don’t know about anyone else. But I have been watching the NBA onTNT, you guys, every night. So, I can’t get enough Charles Barkley. ButGillian, I wanted to start first with the Southwest plane incident. So,this is about mask-wearing which is going to be a contentious issue movingforward. Certainly, CDC has relaxed the rules for not being on publictransport. How do you see this playing out?TURNER: Not in any good way that I want to part of or should be a part of.That debate is going to rage on, I think, probably for another year. I wantto say, Jessica, it’s not just like the agitation, and the irritation andviolence that’s breaking out. I read this great article in Vanity Fair. Ican’t read the title because it has profane language in it.But the other point they’re making is that there’s all this like sexualangst in the country and millions of Americans, maybe tens of millions arenow part of couples that have divorced during the pandemic. And they’re nowgetting ready to call — to celebrate what they call the hot back summer.And part of it is they’re all heading to nude beaches, they’re all lookingfor hot hookups. They’re getting drunk all the time. So, there’s like justa lot of like, weird Juju in the air.TARLOV: Totally. I read a story that had vaxxed and waxed in the write-up.TURNER: Greg is intrigued. He’s thinking about it.GUTFELD: No, it sounds like — it sounds like a typical vacation for you,Gillian. What are you talking about?TARLOV: All right, Dan, I wanted to go to you on the Russell Westbrookpopcorn throwing incident. Do you think fans — that fan by the way hasbeen permanently banned from the arena. Do you think fans are going tosettle down anytime soon?BONGINO: I just want to say, I’m not buying the whole premise of thissegment. I am just — as a matter of fact, I strenuously object from a fewgood men. People are not crazier now. Jessica, I’m sorry.When I grew up, my brother and I took the mattress out of our house. We putit on two skateboards and rolled it down a hill into an activeintersection. Then we put in a ditch in the backyard and wanting to see ifwe could jump off the garage and live if we landed on the mattress. Theproblem now is to that people are recording it.TURNER: And look how you turned out.BONGINO: Well, some would debate that, I’m sure at some point. But nowpeople got their phones and they’re recording it and it just seems likewe’re all crazier. I dispute the entire premise of this segment. I don’tbelieve it.TARLOV: OK, well, I’m also thinking back to when you called me dumb in A-block. I never did anything like that.BONGINO: I didn’t say you were dumb. I said the idea was dumb. There yougo. And it still is.TARLOV: All right, Dan. Dagen, Charles Barkley, right or wrong.BARKLEY: I like a good fight. I don’t know. Somebody is going to get suedand it’s going to be the fellow with all the money, meaning, one of thebasketball players. I totally agree with Dan. We’re talking about all thisviolence and this fighting. America is back.And by the way, Russell Westbrook got some popcorn thrown at him inPhiladelphia. This is Philly light popcorn. I’m surprised it’s not like Godknows what. I mean, they booed Santa Claus for Pete’s sake.TARLOV: All right, Greg, take us home. Masks, basketball, any of it.GUTFELD: Well, I think — I think the popcorn was egregious because it was– it was buttered, so there was a lot of saturated fat. I think this — Ithink there’s this article — I think Dan is correct. We are now allcontent providers for the media, right, where 20o — 350 million peoplewith 200 million phones. And the most — the most visual stuff is thisstuff.So, we’re we put it out there. It’s fun to talk about it. The streaker wasamazing. What an amazing story the streaker who crawled into the tube. ButCharles Barkley is somebody who understands incentives. If it’s suddenly OKfor an athlete 300 pound, you know, statue of muscle to beat up a fan, it’sgoing to be amazing how quickly the fan stop throwing stuff.And the fact that the guy lost his season tickets, he got punished morethan the people beating up Asians in New York.TARLOV: That is certainly a hot take that I’m going to leave behind nowbecause the “FASTEST SEVEN” is up next.(COMMERCIAL BREAK)BONGINO: Welcome back. Time for THE FASTEST. First up, as we await a hugegovernment report on UFOs, we’re getting even more video, some reallystrange and unexplained stuff. U.S. Navy sailors aboard the USS Omaha inJuly 2019 reacting in shock as they get swarmed by 14 UFOs on radar.(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)UNIDENTIFIED MALE: 138 knots. Holy (BLEEP) They’re going fast. Oh, it’sturning around.UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That one is pretty much perfectly zero, zero, zerorelative, right?UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes.UNIDENTIFIED MALE: 263 at three miles, 55 knots, speed.(END VIDEO CLIP)BONGINO: So, Gillian, how is this not a bigger story that we may have a UFOreport coming? I’m just curious. Am I missing something?TURNER: No. I mean, I think it should be — well, maybe it’ll be huge. Thereport is going to come out in a couple of weeks. Maybe it’ll pick up somesteam. But I don’t — it seems to me like they should be front page newseverywhere. I will also tell you, Dan, something interesting I learned fromcovering this the last couple of weeks.I interviewed Jeremy Corbell who this video come from. I interviewedSenator Ted Cruz. They’re both saying what worries them most is not thatthese are UFO or these UFOs are controlled by alien life forces. They worrythat they’re actually controlled by America’s adversaries. And they thinkthat the technology they’ve developed is like so far advanced that we can’teven recognize it. So, it’s pretty terrifying no matter how you look at it.BONGINO: Yes, Greg, this kind of sounds like, you know, Ron Burgundy. Like,the kind of a big deal now this UFO thing.GUTFELD: Well according to Slate, these are — those who are bats from awet market. Look, I’m going to be — I’m going to use an analogy that maybeonly Dan and I will understand. These UFO videos that we keep seeing, theyremind me of those mildly titillating late-night movies on Skinemax. Youthink you might see something, and then you watch it, and then you go –BONGINO: I never see them.GUTFELD: Those are just birds. They’re birds. Maybe they’re — I don’t knowwhat they are. But –TURNER: Flies on the lenses.GUTFELD: What?TURNER: Flies on the lenses.GUTFELD: Flies on the lenses. That’s — isn’t that an acoustic album by BobDylan? Flies on the lens.BONGINO: Jessica, please dive in.TARLOV: I actually am just enjoying this time. Well, this time, this hourhas been great. But this time, where it seems like everybody just now kindof accepts that UFOs are real, because I felt like a real outlierconspiracy theory when I was growing up. And now I feel like the evidencekeeps mounting and it seems like a lot in the last six months and peopleare pretty chill about it, which I see as a positive.BONGINO: Dagen, they set this up for some huge bombshell next week. They’reall owing us to sleep.MCDOWELL: If — and by the way, Greg, I get the Skinemax thing. I’ve done alot of freeze-framing in my time. I wish Donald Trump was still in officebecause if they told him the real truth, you know he would have blabbed tothe entire country. If they want to let him, he would have opened up area51 as like an amusement park for a revenue raiser. So, I kind of wish hewas still there. We can get the truth.BONGINO: All right, next up, half of Americans say they hide their favoritesnacks from family members. I’ll go back to you, Dagen. I don’t know aboutyou, but I have to — my kids hide their snacks for me, not the other wayaround, because I’ll eat anything.MCDOWELL: Who had snacks leftover to like hide? As soon as I buy a box ofTwinkies, I walk and ate. They’re gone by the time I get home. Who hasstuff of junk food leftover to hide around the house?BONGINO: Greg, are they hiding food from you too.GUTFELD: You know, the golden rule is you never want to be too clever whenyou’re hiding something because then you forget where you put it, which isalways been a problem for me when I’m hiding my completely legally obtainededibles that I’m experimented with.The best way — the best way to hide snacks are in coat pockets of a jacketin the closet, right? And you pick a jacket that people don’t normallywear. I mean, it doesn’t have to be snacks. It could be, you know, a vapingpen or perhaps TK chocolate 400 milligrams. But that’s where you hide itbecause you can always go into the closet, and it doesn’t look like you’retrying to sneak something. You go, oh, I’m just going to get my sweater.And then you never leave the closet.BONGINO: Jess –TURNER: That’s a risky strategy.GUTFELD: Yes, it is. It’s risky.BONGINO: Any thoughts on Greg’s theory on where to hide the snacks?TARLOV: It’s just incredibly specific for someone who doesn’t know anythingabout super illegal snacks they might be having. But this reminds me of –in Sex in the City, Kerry talked about your secret single behavior that,you know, even if you’ve been married forever, you still have those thingsyou want to do by yourself like eat a ton of Twinkies, watching CharlesBarkley commentate. So, that’s what my house looks like.BONGINO: Gillian, closes us out here.TURNER: I just — I wouldn’t go with the coat pocket because the real riskthere is it’s seasonal. You forget it’s in there, and then you’re going tofind the stuff months later. And it’s like that’s just a lose-lose.GUTFELD: It doesn’t matter with the Twinkie.BONGINO: Yes, it lasts forever.TURNER: That’s if it’s still wrapped up. Yes, that’s fine.GUTFELD: Yes.BONGINO: Yes, that’s what they say. Folks, stay tuned. “FAN MAIL FRIDAY” iscoming up next.(COMMERCIAL BREAK)GUTFELD: It’s “FAN MAIL FRIDAY.” We’re answering your questions. All right,the first question is very, very, very interesting. It’s fromPatchInTheYard. What tasks do you enjoy that most people would find boring?All right, Dagen.MCDOWELL: Setting my bed, making the bed –TURNER: Setting.MCDOWELL: Making the bed or setting the bed every morning. I do it as soonas I get my feet hit the ground and I am meticulous about it. And it’sinsane that I’m so retentive, but still making the bed.GUTFELD: I love making the bed right before I walk home, of course.Gillian, you’re answering for two now. What do you — what do you do thatmost people find boring?TURNER: I’d rather go to jail than make the bed. But weirdly, I enjoyfolding laundry. I find it very therapeutic.GUTFELD: It is very therapeutic. It’s nice. And you get to flatten them andyou get them in a little square and –TURNER: It’s just so good when you’re done. You’re like –GUTFELD: Yes, yes, yes. Jessica, what boring thing do you like to do?TARLOV: I like color-coding my closet. So, the dresses — well, especiallyon air dresses because we tend to wear a plain color so you can get likeall the shades really lined up.GUTFELD: I’d like to invite you over.TARLOV: I would love to come over.TURNER: Color-coding.TARLOV: Make your bed, fix your closet –GUTFELD: Hey, take this after the show, you perverts. Dan, I don’t thinkyou do one boring thing in your life.BONGINO: No, no, my whole life is boring. It’s all a facade. I never leavemy house. My studio is in my house. Folks, this is my house. I never livedlike a hermit. But I used to think — you know, I’m watching Bob Rossvideos. I love that. And a lot of people would think that was boring but itturns out it’s not. Like, everybody loves Bob Ross and doesn’t think it’sboring. God rest his soul.I used — I loved it. It was the greatest thing ever. Happy little trees. Ineed more happy little trees.TURNER: He’s having a big comeback right now.GUTFELD: He is.BONGINO: Huge, huge. I love him.GUTFELD: What tasks for me, I would say what — that I do that people mightfind boring is actually boring, drilling holes. I love drilling holes.TURNER: For no reason.GUTFELD: No, yes. It’s boring.TURNER: That sounds destructive if there’s nothing — if you’re not fixingsomething.TARLOV: To like hang paintings.GUTFELD: I ran a hotel upstate so I drill a lot of holes.BONGINO: Is that when you’re not hiding things in your closet?GUTFELD: Yes.BONGINO: Is that when you’re not hiding Twinkies in your closet?GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. Oh, this is good, from Ritch H. What was a Saturdaynight like when you were 16? All right, Dan.BONGINO: Oh, man. Am I allowed to say this on the air or am I going to getfired?TURNER: Probably — you’re probably going to get fired.GUTFELD: No, do it.BONGINO: OK, I won’t.GUTFELD: You have like 16 jobs. You have 16 jobs.BONGINO: I know. I do. It’s true.TURNER: Don’t listen to Greg. He’ll stir you along every time.BONGINO: That’s right. I’m only here because I want to be here. It’s good.Good call, Greg.GUTFELD: Yes.BONGINO: But Greg, don’t you — was it Jesse who has ask for permission foranalogies? I’m asking for your — all right, let’s just — I used to — wehad — you know, we hang out in Central Park in Queens, not in Manhattan.And you know, we may have had some things we shouldn’t have been drinkingat the time.Don’t do it. The public service said do not do that. I’m not suggesting itwas good. But you asked the question. I’m answering.GUTFELD: Yes.BONGINO: And we’d be out very late sometimes. Sometimes really late, likesuper late, like the next day would happen. And you’d be like, did thenight end already? That’s really weird. But that’s what we did.GUTFELD: So, basically, all you’re doing was just out in the park walkingyour dog. That sounds pretty normal to me.BONGINO: Of course.GUTFELD: There you go.BONGINO: Yes. We’re drinking Evian water.GUTFELD: Yes, Dagen?MCDOWELL: I went to an all-girls school when I was — when I was 16. And itwas a boarding school, so I would be spending Saturday night making littlevoodoo dolls out of pantyhose and cotton balls of the boys who had rebuffedme the previous week, sticking pins in them alone.TURNER: No one ever rebuffed you. Don’t lie.MCDOWELL: Oh, a lot of them. I got a list, a long one.GUTFELD: What about you, Gillian? What were you doing when you were 16 onSaturday night?TURNER: Well, I grew up in New York like Dan. So, I would hang out inCentral Park a lot and drink Evian water too. It was great.BONGINO: Yes. All right, it’s great, isn’t it? You see? It’s cool. We sharesomething together.TURNER: You’re the best.GUTFELD: Jessica, try to make us sick to our stomach. Tell us somethinghorrible when you were doing you were 16?TARLOV: Oh, well, I could make something up for the sake of the show. But Idon’t think anyone would believe me. I also grew up in New York. But I wasactually at home with my parents drinking the Evian. And it was real Evian.It wasn’t anything like Dan had.GUTFELD: My Saturday was — I think it was The Love Boat — no, Mary TylerMoore, Bob Newhart, and The Carol Burnett Show. That was the Saturday –that was the greatest Saturday ever.TURNER: It’s pretty good.GUTFELD: Right? And then, there was Phyllis, and there was Rhoda. Rememberthat?TURNER: Yes.GUTFELD: Phyllis, Rhoda, Mary Tyler Moore, oh, geez, what a great time thatwas.TURNER: But what is the difference between Phyllis and Rhoda? I don’t know.GUTFELD: Oh, Rhoda was pretty high, Rhoda Morgenstern. “ONE MORE THING” isup next. Phyllis was hot.(COMMERCIAL BREAK)MCDOWELL: Time now for “ONE MORE THING.” Greg, go.GUTFELD: You’re on tonight with me at 11:00, “THE GUTFELD SHOW” or just”GUTFELD!” Let’s do this.(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)GUTFELD: Animals are great. Animals are great. Animals are great.(END VIDEO CLIP)GUTFELD: You know what? I love lemurs. I had no idea there is actually adifferent kind of lemur known as a dancing lemur. Check out this lemur.It’s the greatest creature you have ever seen in your life. It’s called adancing lemur. This is at the Chester Zoo. And now there he’s pooping.Don’t show the damn lemur pooping. This is a family hour. If you want tosee lemurs pooping, you go watch Don Lemon’s show. He has a whole thing oflemurs pooping.Anyway, beautiful — what a beautiful, beautiful animal. By the way, Iresent all of you for not laughing at my drilling joke.TARLOV: I still don’t get it, I guess.GUTFELD: Boring. That’s what you call drilling when you drill a hole. It’scalled boring.TURNER: Oh, I get it.GUTFELD: You people.MCDOWELL: Actually, I thought you were talking about — never mind. Ireally don’t want to get fired on Friday afternoon. Dan.TURNER: Everybody is trying, though.BONGINO: Yes, yes, really? It’s true, right? If you’re going to get fired,definitely get fired on a Monday, not a Friday. I just want to announce andI’m really honored to be again unexpanded part of the Fox family. My FoxNation show, which is a video simulcast of my national radio show, airsevery day, from 12:00 noon to 3:00 p.m. Easter day. Please check it out.And a little known secret. They leave the camera on during the breaks whichI sometimes forget. So, I am not responsible for anything that happens onthe breaks if you are watching on Fox Nation. I just want to put thatdisclaimer in there now. Thank you very much.MCDOWELL: Thank you, Dan. So, my “ONE MORE THING.” Celebrate Memorial Daywith some Fox gear. Go to shop.foxnews.com. You can get 15 percent off onall orders if you use the code Fox Patriot. Check out patriot T-shirt righthere. I got this cool mug, and then this Proud American hat. Wait, I got toadjust it because my head is the size of Dan’s. There you go. Right.TURNER: Look at you.MCDOWELL: So, peace out. Get some — get some gear. Gillian.TURNER: You look fabulous. You really look fabulous. All right, I want toplay this video for you all. It’s an awesome video of Arlington NationalCemetery on Thursday. This is an annual project that they do. It’s calledFlags-In. They got 1,000 active duty service members. They put Americanflags in front of every single one of the 260,000 headstones.It’s an awesome reminder that Memorial Day is not just about hot dogs, itis also about reflecting on the Americans who have paid the ultimate price.It’s a wonderful, beautiful reminder.MCDOWELL: Jessica, real quick.TARLOV: OK, really quickly. There are very few sporting events that coulddistract me from the NBA Playoffs, as you know, but this absolutelyincredible base running by Chicago Cubs shortstop. Javier Baez got fullattention. They’re calling it wild. They’re calling it magic.Congratulations to Baez and great win. We’re out of time. Bye.MCDOWELL: That’s it.GUTFELD: They didn’t even show the best parts.MCDOWELL: Oh, no.TARLOV: We’ll get — watch it. It’s so good.MCDOWELL: All right, we’ll get a Memorial Day Special Monday. Have a greatweekend.Content and Programming Copyright 2021 Fox News Network, LLC. ALLRIGHTS RESERVED. Copyright 2021 VIQ Media Transcription, Inc. Allmaterials herein are protected by United States copyright law and may notbe reproduced, distributed, transmitted, displayed, published or broadcastwithout the prior written permission of VIQ Media Transcription, Inc. Youmay not alter or remove any trademark, copyright or other notice fromcopies of the content. 

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